My unpopular opinion on fall

I’m going to say something controversial, but I don’t care whose feathers I ruffle. I don’t like fall. I’m not saying it’s my least favorite season, but I don’t get all the hype that so many seem to give it.

The changing tree colors, the cooler temps, the seasonal treats and flavors, they say. “Bullhonky,” I reply.

First of all, there’s nothing more irritating than having to wear four different outfits throughout the day because the temperature change is so drastic. You can wake up to near-winter temps in the morning, it feels like July day by mid-afternoon and then it’s back to a brisk fall evening by sundown. Sweatshirts and jackets lie scattered about outside or inside my vehicle, discarded on a whim and often forgotten about until the next morning.

It’s too cold if you are in the shade yet too hot if you are in the direct sun for too long. There’s a magical spot just out of the wind with a faint hint of sunlight that you must find to be comfortable.

I must have my winter gear on standby while also having my sunscreen within reach. One week, we are in the 70s, while the next week, we can barely make 50 degrees. My body can’t acclimate to the uncertainty of the season.

“But Jill, it’s better than the frigid cold of winter or the sweltering humidity of summer,” they say. Valid point, but at least I know what I’m in for during those times. I can handle the consistency. I can’t handle the multiple personalities of fall.

There’s also sadness about fall days when the sun isn’t shining. The dampness during this time of year seems to always be accompanied by a dense fog that refuses to lift. It gives me the vibes of a sad movie or, even worse, a horror film. Respiratory illnesses are usually the haunting result of weather like this.

Then, there are the bugs of the season. Summer mosquitoes set a high bar for intolerable creatures, but Asian lady beetles arrived and said, “Hold my beer.” They show up in droves, and their bites hurt indescribably. You can’t vacuum, spray or blow them away fast enough. They sneak into the tiniest cracks and crevices of your home and blanket the outside of your buildings, and the stench they leave is distinctly unforgettable.

No-see-ums show up, offering a double whammy. Those black, tiny, millimeter-sized gnats have a bite nasty enough for you to think you are being attacked by a small dog with inch-long fangs. You can’t hear or see them until it’s too late.

Those two bugs work together to make sure no one wants to be outside this time of year.

These changing colors people rave about? I seem to see them differently. Yes, the few days where the leaves are a bright yellow and red are quite beautiful, but fall’s hurricane-force winds often destroy that look within a day. Also, to be honest, most of the season is just shades of brown. The vibrancy of summer flowers and vegetation is gone and is replaced with things that just look dead. Tan grass, brown leaves, bare fields; it’s like nature is just highlighting the fact that gloom and despair are right around the corner. It’s depressing, in my eyes.

Lastly, it seems like we lose hours of daylight over the course of a couple of days. It’s already dark when I get up and dark when I go to sleep, which is not at all enjoyable. At this point, it’s a reminder that we are on a steep slide into the shortest days of the year.

So no, I can’t say I greatly enjoy fall. There are bits and pieces I can appreciate, but overall, I would prefer summer. If I could be in charge of the length of seasons in this part of the hemisphere, I would want summer to last from May through September; fall would be October and November, winter could only be December and January and spring would need to be February through April. No crossing over, no unexpected ups and downs. Simple as that.

Jill is a stay-at-home mom who helps part time on her family’s 140-cow dairy farm near Forest City, Minnesota. She and her husband, Aaron, have two children: Hayes and Nash.