Parodies for presents

Rosie, the Black White Holstein

You know Sutton, and Fruitcake, and Backstrap, and Halo,

Snowflake, and Mazda, and Honda, and Dumbo.

But do you recall

The most famous bovine of all?

Rosie, the Black White Holstein

Had a very curious tongue.

I recall when I felt it

Years ago, when I was young.

All of the other bovines

Used to be content with grain.

Not so the case with Rosie,

She preferred to not eat plain.

Then one frigid winter’s eve,

Jacqui came to say,

“Rosie with your tongue so strong

Hold it out so nice and long.”

Then how she tried some soda,

Slurping it up with glee.

“Rosie, the Black White Holstein,

You’ll go down in history.”

At Christmastime, more than perhaps any other time of year, I miss the comfort of milking cows in the old stall barn that currently houses our weaned calves. The steam rolling off the animals from the contrast in temperatures. The readymade hand warmer — that little pocket right in between the udder and the hind legs — that spot just waiting to thaw fingers frozen from sledding. If I happen to get the short straw and have to feed calves down there, the smells take me right back in time. Hay, animals, straw, manure.

Rose stood in the second stall past the feed alley walkway, next to the giantess, Dumbo. The two had the funniest personalities. Dumbo loved to reach her head around as I milked; she would then snatch the paper towels out of my back pocket and eat them. Rosie, however, had a more unique taste. She liked chocolate Ho-Hos from the day-old bakery and would stick her bristly tongue out and slurp down orange Crush Soda as I poured it from the can. It is something about how the seasons can make memories float back into your mind. For me, Christmas memories are as much about cows as gifts and the gorgeous Nativity at church. A favorite is when we would come in from the barn at night and see the lights from the Christmas tree in the living room window. These days, I have farther to walk to milk cows, but we still set the farm’s tree up in the window for the very same purpose. Merry Christmas to you and yours; I hope you are making memories to last a lifetime, especially those with cows.

Jacqui Davison and her family milk 800 cows and farm 1,200 acres in northeastern Vernon County, Wisconsin. Her children, Ira, Dane, Henry and Cora, help on the farm while her husband, Keith, works on a grain farm. If she’s not in the barn, she’s probably in the kitchen, trailing after little ones or sharing her passion of reading with someone. Her life is best described as organized chaos, and if it wasn’t, she’d be bored.