It wouldn’t be Christmas without me trying to rework a few carols, would it? What follows is a true family effort to parody the ‘Twelve Days of Christmas’ and ‘I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas’. A simple request for new ideas brought about these farm-specific version of famous songs for the season. I’ll spare you the repetition and give you the fast rundown of them both. I’m certain as many times as I sang them, Cora thinks that ‘pigeon on a poop boat’ is the real last line, and that I really do want heated underpants!

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my farmer gave to me…
Twelve truckers hauling,
Eleven heifers calving,
Ten ducks a-quacking,
Nine people working,
Eight lines a-freezing,
Seven calves a-drinking,
Six children running,
Five broken gates,
Four prowling cats,
Three skid steers,
Two old dogs,
And a pigeon on a poop boat

I want some heated underpants for Christmas
Only heated underpants will do
Don’t want a hat
To keep me from the storm
I want some heated underpants to wear and to keep warm

I want some heated underpants for Christmas
I don’t think Santa Claus will mind, do you?
He won’t have to search, I like them in light blue
Just send them on the next truck
That’s the easy thing to do

I can see me now on Christmas morning
Sneaking down the stairs
In my pants, such a surprise
When I go tell all the guys
About my heated layer under here

I want some heated underpants for Christmas
Only heated underpants will do
No fancy mittens, no fleecy lined sweatpants
I only want heated underpants
And heated underpants suit me too

Dad says the pants would heat up but then
Stacy says the pants would sweat me ‘til I’m thin

There’s lots of room for them in my bib overalls
I’d wear them here and wear them there and love them best of all

    Hope you and yours celebrate the season with some singing, eating, and doing all of the things that carry on traditions and keep the love of Christmas alive and well. Merry Christmas and may your New Year be filled with hope and promise of wonderful things. Thank you for reading.
    Jacqui and her family milk 800 cows and run 1,200 acres of crops in the northeastern corner of Vernon County, Wis. Her children, Ira, 12, Dane, 10, Henry, 5, and Cora, toddler, help her on the farm while her husband, Keith, works on a grain farm. If she’s not in the barn, she’s probably in the kitchen, trailing after little ones, or sharing her passion of reading with someone. Her life is best described as organized chaos – and if it wasn’t, she’d be bored.