September 5, 2017 at 3:32 p.m.


By Susan Steinke- | Comments: 0 | Leave a comment

I didn't grow up on a dairy farm, but after being married to a dairy farmer for almost nine years, here are some of the things I've learned; I call them "farmisms":
When one cow poops, another will follow.
When the weather turns perfect for harvesting, your combine will break down.
All of your children will fall in the gutter at some point. Not that Gemma has yet (she's only five months old), but I'm sure she will.
If you hit the snooze button on your alarm, the milk truck will show up early.
When the farmer's away, the cows will play. They'll go into their stalls perfectly every time when he's there, but put someone else in charge and it's like they are first-calf heifers again.
You might think that cow is friendly, the way she's bobbing her head back at you while you prep her. In fact, she's trying her darnedest to buck you in the face, but she can't reach you because her chain is too short.
If you don't wear a hat, your hair will soak up that barn smell no matter how quickly you dash in and out.
His beard picks up that smell, too.
Your little boy will need a bath at the end of every day. He just will.
When you're rushing to get your daughter to school on time, you'll have to wait because the milk truck is backing down the driveway.
The nicest cows will turn into kickers when the vet comes to visit.
You'll give your baby "shaken baby syndrome" if you push her out to see daddy baling hay in the cheap stroller. Give in and invest in a rugged all-terrain heavy-duty stroller. It's worth it.
When a cow is standing too close to her neighbor for you to prep her, no matter how hard 160-pound-you shoves on 1,500-pound-her, she's not going to move over until she's good and ready.
Sometimes cows make sounds eerily similar to the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park.
Cows can be moody depending on where they are in their cycle. I'm never like this. My husband better agree with me.
You can recognize a cow more easily by her rear end and udder than her head.
When it becomes necessary to take a link out of the barn cleaner chain, it will happen on the coldest day of the year.
The heavy-duty seatbelt on a Polaris Ranger comes in real handy for keeping your curious two-year-old out of trouble while you fix fence.
When non-stop rain and cloudy days keep you out of the fields during planting season, at least you know that all the farmers around you are in the same boat. Speaking of boats, we could have taken one for a nice float around Lake Steinke (formerly our cow pasture) in mid-May.
You can't breed a cow when your arm is over your head. When you are short like me, you have to stand on a bale. But then you also have to be nimble, because you never know when the cow might decide to jump to the side.
You've heard of hunting widows? Women whose husbands spend every weekend during hunting season in a deer stand? Well, farmer's wives become planting widows and harvest widows in the spring and fall. I know that at those times of year, all the kid stuff falls on my shoulders, and I just need to keep my mouth shut and deal with it.
When your daughter has one of her classmates from the "city" over to play, the sweet little girl will tell you "it stinks" when she's gets out of the car at your place.
As gross as you thought it was when you were first married, eventually you won't mind getting splattered by cow poop. As long as you have your barn clothes on. And as long as it's not in the face.
And most importantly, even though meal times get thrown off because of chore times, and even though your husband has to work every evening and weekend, and even though just when you think he might be able to watch the kids so you can treat yourself to grocery shopping kid-free, but then something on the farm breaks down and he has to fix it, it's all worth it when you see the grins on your children's faces when they take off on an evening four-wheeler ride with their daddy.[[In-content Ad]]


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