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Sometime when I was in my 30s, I realized I was no longer looking people in the eye when talking to them. Looking back, I am not really sure what I was focusing on. Maybe I was talking in an animated manner myself with my eyes looking everywhere, or perhaps I was busy taking notes during an interview.
I remember back when I was dairy princess about a million years ago, someone telling me to focus in on people's foreheads instead of their eyes during an interview or when speaking to a crowd. It was much less intimidating, and when speaking to a packed banquet hall it really made things easier. The only problem was I apparently made it a habit.
Or, maybe I was looking, but not really focusing on the person I was conversing with. I don't know.
Anyway, once I started to make the effort to actually look people in the eye, I realized, for reasons I cannot put into words, that it makes a difference. A big difference, actually. It makes you feel more connected, and perhaps even somehow makes you understand the other person more.
All the non-touchy/ feely people out there are probably rolling their eyes at me at this point. But hey, if you don't believe me give it a try yourself.
Now, I did have a farmer a while back who was almost aggressive with his constant piercing eye contact. It was like being examined a microscope. Do try to not do this - it was intimidating and not friendly. Just make it a point to actually make eye contact when you meet someone. Look them square in the eye when you shake their hand. Be sure to look them in the eye when you find yourself smiling. Look the other person in the eye when you are parting ways, it makes things feel better somehow.
A while back, I had the opportunity to listen to a really interesting speaker by the name of Evan Hodkins.
Evan shared some rather grand thoughts, but one of the things that sticks the most in my mind is a rather simple concept. I think of it almost everyday. I would bet that it has actually improved my life.
He has undergraduate degrees in sociology and philosophy and graduated from two seminary schools. He holds graduate degrees in philosophy and literature. He even specializes in ancient spiritual languages, including Greek, Hebrew, Coptic, and Egyptian Hieroglyphics, and he is knowledgeable in many, many other areas: A very interesting person indeed. And, best of all, he is easy to listen to and talks with people instead of above them like many highly educated people do.
So, like I said there were many interesting ideas. The one that stayed with me is about the human eye - and it was a great way to build upon the whole goal of making better eye contact.
The word pupil, when taken back to its Greek origins, means little person. This refers to the little reflection of yourself that you see in the center of someone else's eye when you are truly looking at them.
I would gamble a bet that the fact you are reflected in someone else's eye is something you knew, but didn't know that you knew.
If you take the time to really look into someone else's eyes and look close enough to see yourself reflected, you are truly present for that person. You see their eye, the window of their soul, with you there as well. Very, very cool.
Evan pointed out another magical thing about the eye. The pupil is surrounded by the iris. What is the Latin meaning of iris you ask? Iris originally referred to messenger of the gods, personified as the rainbow. When you look into someone else's eyes, you are there, with them, surrounded by a rainbow sending a message from God. Simply awesome.
Seeing yourself in someone else's eye is simply beautiful. Give it a try sometime.
Try it first with kids, and then try your spouse. And if you are already good at this, just make it a point to see your little self in the other person's eye and smile.[[In-content Ad]]

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